


❀ I don't want to forget you.

by miffou



Series: soft soonhoon oneshots ❀ [5]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, That is all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 10:07:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25469041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miffou/pseuds/miffou
Summary: "Seventeen is my youth.Youare my youth. And realising that we're not going to be able to do this forever is making me.. so..."As Soonyoung trailed off, Jihoon's heart ached a little.//The backstory of Soonyoung crying because of a Weverse post.[read time: ~10 minutes]
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi & Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Series: soft soonhoon oneshots ❀ [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1679980
Comments: 2
Kudos: 74





	❀ I don't want to forget you.

**Author's Note:**

> Hosh's post for reference: [link](https://twitter.com/svt_verse/status/1282368176047751168)

//

"Are you crying?"

Soonyoung lifted his heavy head to find the voice owner. He saw a familiar silhouette standing in front of the ajar door. Soonyoung shot the person a grim smile. He shook his head slowly and dropped his gaze to the floor.

Jihoon took a deep breath and entered the room. He closed the door, limiting the source of light to the street lamp shining from outside the window. Soonyoung was sitting on his bed with his head hung low, his hair dishevelled.

"You okay?" Jihoon said as he walked towards Soonyoung and sat on the floor in front of him.

"Yeah, yeah."

Jihoon hesitated. He glanced at the hunched figure before him, trying to gauge his mood. _This does look pretty bad. Why did he cry? Is it really just because of that post?_

He cleared his throat before asking his next question: "Are you still sad?"

"...Sort of," Soonyoung answered.

_Short replies. Not helping._

Jihoon tried to remember Jeonghan's text from 5 minutes ago.

Yoon Jeonghan

Where are you?  
1:59

studio. why?  
2:15

It's a long story, but basically  
2:16

Hoshi saw a fan posting sad stuff, then he replied with paragraphs worthy of a novel with tears welling in his eyes. He was trying to laugh it off at the beginning, but he looks kind of depressed now.. I tried to joke around but no use  
2:17

I think you need to come.  
2:17

It had become a common drill that Jihoon would be the first aid to Soonyoung's gloomy days. As the other members would describe it, somehow it was easier for Soonyoung to open up to Jihoon. When asked about it, Jihoon didn't know why exactly - but he likes to think that he asks the right set of questions to Soonyoung, even though they might not seem like it.

"Why?" Jihoon decided to ask.

Soonyoung let out a sigh before answering, "It's just.. a sad day, I guess."

"You were fine earlier."

"It's the day after now." Soonyoung forced a chuckle. Jihoon checked his wristwatch. 2:25 in the morning.

"So. What was the post about?"

"..Well, it was saying about what would happen in 50 years."

"50 years?"

"Yeah. How by then we would not be performing anymore, and will get married, start a family..." Soonyoung took a deep breath before continuing. "That just made me realise how I just.. feel so sad thinking about the future."

"The future?" Jihoon asked. "What kind.. or, what part?"

"Like.. What happens when this is all over?"

Soonyoung paused, his stare grew empty.

"Reading that post.. made me think about so many things. Probably things that I shouldn't be thinking about. Like... What happens when we can no longer do all this? What if we split ways? Also, when _will_ that be? Will it be 10 years from now? Or even shorter? What if I cannot do everything I want to do? What if it ends without a warning? Man, I don't want to think about it, but it's in my head."

 _Finally_ , Jihoon thought after hearing Soonyoung's storm of words.

It's not uncommon how when asked, Soonyoung would let you in on the thousands of things running inside his head at the same time. It confuses a lot of people, not excluding Jihoon. Since not everyone finds his train of thoughts bearable, he often wouldn't let it show to keep the burden to his own. But Jihoon thinks otherwise. He found it less of a burden and more of a curious quality to Soonyoung's complex nature. _Like a puzzle that looks obvious, but in reality is difficult to solve._

"That's a lot to think at one time," Jihoon replied as he straightened his back and gave a small nod to Soonyoung. "Walk me through your mind, Soonyoung. One thought at a time."

Soonyoung stared back at Jihoon. He blinked a few times before starting to speak again.

"Okay. So. What if... it ends? What if it's not long until it ends?" Soonyoung said. "The fan said, in 50 years. And you know what? We're through 5 years already. 10 if we count the trainee days. That's one fifth of 50 years. We've only got 4 times more left."

"Amazing math," Jihoon joked flatly.

"Right?" Soonyoung replied, unfazed. "So, I was thinking.. Do we get to last that long? What if, at max, it will be 20 years from now? We'll be 44 by then. That's not so far ahead. A few blinks and we're already there."

"I see," Jihoon replied, trying to follow Soonyoung's train of thoughts. "So that's what made you sad?"

"Well, to think that one day we won't be able to continue all this anymore... Doesn't it make you sad?"

"...Yeah, it does make me sad."

"Seventeen is my youth. _You_ are my youth. And realising that we're not going to be able to do this forever is making me.. so..."

As Soonyoung trailed off, Jihoon's heart ached a little.

He knew exactly what Soonyoung was talking about. It had been on everyone's mind - the fact that as things take off, the inevitable countdown had started, too. There's no knowing when it will happen. The hard truth would appear from time to time like a reminder, often at early mornings, at the studio, when Jihoon was alone. At first, he tried to externalise it through writing lyrics. _Think of it like fuel_ , he would often pretend. But there's no denying that it breaks his heart too much every time he tried to immortalise these feelings in form of words. After a few failures, he decided to stop trying. He realised how didn't want to create another reminder for the inevitable.

Jihoon looked at Soonyoung, who was then lying down on the bed. He watched in silence as Soonyoung's chest rise and fall with every breath he took. He followed the movement of the swaying curtain as the wind blew from outside the window. He listened to the faint ticking sound from his watch. _Will there be time when we can no longer enjoy each other's presence in silence?_

After a while, Soonyoung sat up and stared back at Jihoon. He gave Jihoon another smile, this time a sad one.

"Even you don't have an answer to it, right?"

"...What am I, an AlphaGo?" Jihoon scoffed. "I also don't know the answer to everything. Or the right step to take. I just bluff my way through."

"I'll take any pretend-solution you have in your head." Soonyoung said as he dropped himself to the floor and sat closer to Jihoon.

"Well, if you insist.. There's this one stupid thought. You can't laugh about it." Jihoon pointed his finger at Soonyoung, earning a soft laugh from him.

"Okay, I won't," Soonyoung replied. "Shoot away."

Jihoon cleared his throat before he began talking.

"What if we think of a second journey for us?"

Soonyoung tilted his head in response, letting Jihoon to go on.

"See... We know all this will be over once my back doesn't stop hurting and your hip finally gave out. So, what if we plan the next phase once that happens?"

"We'll find something else we can do," Jihoon continued. "Maybe something still about music. Maybe something completely unrelated? It doesn't need to make sense for now. It just needs to be our next goal so that nothing can be really over."

Jihoon's last sentence resonated in Soonyoung's mind. _Can it be true? That nothing can ever be over for us?_

"We still have a lot of things we can do, right? You've always said you wanted to give farming a shot."

"Farming...?" Soonyoung mumbled.

"Yeah, that. Maybe it's something we can do, I don't know," Jihoon replied with a shrug and a blank, unreadable face.

 _Like hell he'd go into farming with me,_ Soonyoung thought.

He also thought how he had always been vocal about the things he wants to do. Dancing. Singing. Producing songs. For all these things, Jihoon had always been there. By his side, as his partner. He'd always had someone to turn to when things get hard. But what if that changes too, one day?

"What would I do if you're not there?" Soonyoung said.

"..Huh?"

"I don't want you to do just anything.. for the sake of it. At least I know that. But I also can't imagine not having you around."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because farming is probably the least on your mind, Jihoon." Soonyoung said, his eyes grew sad. "Let's be honest. We all have different interests, and it's not like there's anything forcing you to stick with whatever I decide to do. Realistically, you still have so much to do even when this is over.. But me, probably not so much."

"I'm afraid that once we go on our own ways.. we'll probably grow apart, right? Since we won't see each other's faces as much as we do now. Will there be a day when we forget about each other? The thought scares me. A lot."

"I don't want to forget you." Soonyoung's voice was barely audible, but Jihoon heard every word of it.

"Why would you assume I would be the one to leave you?" Jihoon replied, his voice became rougher. "What if _you_ were the one to leave? Do you think that never crossed my mind?"

Soonyoung froze.

"Do you think I never feared about you leaving?" Jihoon continued. "I used to have those thoughts, too. That what we have now will become too static and boring for you. That one day you will grow too big for this...nest? That you'll need to fly away to chase even bigger dreams. That I'm the one holding you back."

Soonyoung looked back at Jihoon, a sliver of slight anger apparent on his face.

"You realise how stupid this sounds, right?" Jihoon said.

_Of course it's stupid._

_How could you ever think that you would hold me back?_

"But that's just human," Jihoon continued. "We're stupid. We're full of regrets. And doubts. Sometimes we can't get rid of those. Sometimes those are just in our heads. But you can't let your thoughts make you think less of me."

_How can I think less of you, when sometimes you're all I think about?_

"Sure, the idea of me farming does sound stupid in my head. Stupid, but doable. And very much possible. If you really think about it, I would probably do better than you?"

_You'll probably be better at it than me, but I don't mind._

"You realise that it's just in your head, right?" Jihoon said. "You haven't even asked me if I wanted to do it or not. So don't leave me out of the picture like that."

Soonyoung gave Jihoon another smile, this time a happier one. He wasn't too sure how talking about farming can help him feel better about the future, but it did.

Jihoon said he doesn't always have the right answers for everything, but it seems like he always has the right answers for Soonyoung. When Soonyoung would turn frustrated from being sad and wanted to recover the quickest he could, Jihoon never rushed him. Instead, he lets Soonyoung sit in sadness. He navigates Soonyoung through his thoughts to reach his deeper feelings. He taught Soonyoung that it's okay not to be okay sometimes. _Because that way, we can make room for happier days_ , he would say.

 _I guess this is why I felt so down,_ Soonyoung thought. _How could I imagine living a day without the person who made me who I am today?_

"Okay, I won't," Soonyoung said. "That's a promise, right? That you'd come with me wherever I go. Be it a farm or anywhere else."

"Yeah, sure," Jihoon answered.

"I'm sorry I said all that without thinking about you."

"No need to be sorry."

" I just... well, you're right. These thoughts are inevitable. But it felt nice to talk it out," Soonyoung said. "Thank you for listening, Jihoon."

"It's no big deal. It's just a normal talk," Jihoon replied.

"It was a big deal to me," Soonyoung said. "Because now I know how much our Jihoonie thinks about me."

"Shut up," Jihoon said, unable to hold back a growing grin upon seeing the sorrow leaving Soonyoung's face.

"Anyway, Jeonghan called you here, right?" Soonyoung said as he scratched the back of his head. "Sorry.. You must've been working."

In a split second, Jihoon moved forward and flicked Soonyoung's forehead. It barely hurt, but Soonyoung let out an "ouch" instinctively, wincing his eyes as he rubbed his forehead. He opened his eyes to Jihoon with furrowed eyebrows and lips still curled into a pout.

"Stop saying sorry for needing people to listen to you."

Soonyoung let out a small laugh. "Okay, I won't. I'm just sorry that it always had to be you."

_And I hope it will stay that way forever._

"I don't mind."

//

**Author's Note:**

> Reading the fan post and Soonyoung's reply  
>  got me to thinking that  
>  Seventeen is probably the group that gives me the most happiness.  
>  When I think of other groups I like,  
>  it was mostly just the way it should be - idolising them, admiring them,  
>  singing and dancing along to their music as I go with my day;  
>  But why has it been so different with Seventeen?  
>  Why did I have times when I cried with them,  
>  received comfort from them,  
>  and wanting to give strength to them?  
>  Maybe it was because I met them as I was maturing in life,  
>  maybe because I watched them grow from little kids to grownups,  
>  maybe because Seventeen was the soundtrack of an important phase of my life,  
>  maybe it's a mixture of all these things.
> 
> (come [say hi](https://twitter.com/miffou))


End file.
